为什么每次我的心态会爆炸

为什么没有女的会好好的爱我

为什么

 心情不好，不知道到底她的想法也可能自己最近的心态不是很好。突然自己觉得很不自信，很低迷，什么事都不想做

 有时我真的觉得，为什么每次我的人生这么不如意。我喜欢的人不喜欢我，我喜欢做的事和工作我都做不到。心里很烦，我爸爸现在又有cancer，感觉我不是个孝顺的孩子。感觉我很失败。

Even though I know you how much, how much you hate it
This is the only thing I can do, in front of your house
I am waiting aimlessly for you.

No matter how pathetic I am, rather than forgetting about you
Since I have nothing to forget at the same place
In front of your house I'll wait

To you who won't answer my calls anymore, to you who doesn't want to see me at all
No matter how I beg for forgiveness, there's already no use

Waiting by your door, even if you pretend you can't see me
Brushing past my shoulder like seeing a stranger you just met
Waiting until you are willing to hear me say sorry I just got a new part-time job as a telemarketer, something new to me. the first few days has being OK and tiring. i never talk so much in my life before maybe a little bit too much that i feel it is out of my comfort zone. which is a good thing and also a bad thing.

Most of all I have never been rejected so much in my life before, and i now have a particular picking on traditional Chinese guys and Indian aunties. They are so aggressive and defensive that sometime you will just feel demoralize just by hearing their voices.

I just wait wait for USS this sun. It will be a FUN,FUN times with my friends. it like finally a dream come true and a long awaited holiday coming for me. Wee!!!! :D:D Cell Group Meeting was AWESOME TODAY!!

the vision of loving people, a lot have been said and done. writing the letter you think you feel you want to write to..
I wrote one for Shaun and nette nette 'wrote' one to me. Both about the same issue, Bangkok. After the talking from nette nette. Something hit me on the head..

I come to realize this few weeks, I am not myself anymore or even it start even months ago. I am quite rebellion in a way this few weeks, neglecting a lots of small detail and importance of people feeling, insensitive, badmouthing, carefree and 'throw' away my responsibilities. It is action when I usually do when I am stress out or just trying to get rebellion.

I am quite a spoiled child, I will use any method to get what I want.. :)
I develop this rebellion method of ni zuo chu yi wo zuo shi wu in my character, so as when I do not get what i want. I will just do not listen to anything you say or you ask me to do.

I think Bangkok really really crush my hope, My whole family went there last December when I am still in Camp. My whole life I only travel to Malaysia, Genting before..I am someone who also seriously need to take a break in the midst of hard work before I eventually break down. Lastly i can eventually fly..

Study is important but I just dislike study the whole time, I guess it is someone that happen to me when I am small. As people would know I score well in my PSLE but primary school is one of the most terrible period in my life. My dad was a gambler addict then, he lose lots of money and need to 'run away' with my mum to hide the debtors, they dump my bro and me to my aunt(father's side, i now living with my mum's side aunt). Our life there can be say so to be reward-based, so what we do everyday is just study,Study and STUDY!!

All i remember is just study and caning, the most painful thing is to listen and know that all my cousin is playing games and what I am doing is being force at one corner and study. I did not even watch a single television in my life. My mum eventually brought me back but there still lots of family polities that you can heard everyday, especially quarrel between mum and dad. even now when i am home and in secondary school, my mum care for me too much that she do not let me try any stuff, even the most simplest like stay over at friend's house to do project i cant do that. I never once stay over in whole of my secondary school until i went rebellion and ran out of house. I am like a caged bird that want to be out and when freedom is given is gone out of control.

All this make me who i am today, someone who want fun than just some serious stuff. This is why i keep whining about Bangkok. I am so excited, it my birthday, i can fly, i am going holiday with my friends, i just finish my army, it a great redemption to redeem my 21st birthday which i spend i camp, it gonna to be fun and it gonna be a great year.

But one call, all hope is gone. it came with more responsibilities added, more scolding, more nagging and come to realize the other can go while they study. i thought maybe because the leader but the biggest bomb is someone in my cell went the same place too. with the night of being blame something that not my fault, all faith, hope and love is gone. i cant take it anymore..
Of all people why me? i ask..

i become rebellion in a way, changing to someone that i do not even know. if you meet the real tian long, tell him that i missing him.