25 Sep 2007

Well this few days, especially this 2 days has been the worst.
Super ANGRY, FAN and LOUSY FEELING.

I feel being underrated, overlooked and underestimate my abilities.
I am super-irritated when it come to this and that, the feeling of being treated as 'noobies'.
It come worst when it smth i matter most...*has been control myself to scold !#$%^&*

My internal has been different from my outside appearance so far.

It look calm and quiet outside but angry and nasty inside.
It seem ok outside but it troubled me inside.
It seem i got alot of friends but it nth when it come to troubled times.
and etc...

The feeling being an outcast again...
what are friends for when conversation become plain.
no more listening ears around...
which i blog just to vent out as nobody really care.
I not as positive as people see...
sometime i just a bad kid that just insisted of what he wants.
I not as friendly as people think...
I maybe but i just will keep distance with people i dun like or feel threaten with.
Being selective.
I not as weak or simple-minded as people see...
I will just be strong-headed as anyone if the things i feel it correct.
I not as easy to bully as your think...
I just a fiery and hot-tempered person waiting to explode anytime.
I not so self-high esteem as your think...
I a low self-esteem person using a joker personality to cover it.
I not as strong emotion as your think of...
I am just so weak in emotion that i think i not even a guy. -.-

Many people think they know me but not totally.
Hardly anybody truely want to know me too...
by the count of people reading this post i know.
Nobody truely care, nobody truely understand.

I especially hated just to be a defender...does anybody know this?
hardly...

This may be all the reason bah...
all the reason that i am limited in my work and anythink i do.
my relation with people and etc...

THE SUPER "FAN" PERIOD...
your understand? 分開以後


想喊你 確沒敢開口
最後只有 留著淚看你走
我想問我 是否真願意就這樣放手
既然無法挽留只好接受

從今以後 你要寂寞多久
誰能給予你 我這般溫柔
也許是多慮了 你離開我 會過的更快樂
可對於軟弱的我 回憶就足夠

分開以後 每當想到你就會低下頭
緊握著手 不知過了多久
我相信你 也會有一樣的辛酸難受
都曾經深愛過誰又真的捨得

再你離開之後 想快樂也只是一種強求
一個人 怎麼過都是愁
懂得擁有 卻未必能讓你為我停留
最後只剩遺憾 拉住我不放手

分開以後 每當想到你就會低下頭
緊握著手 不知過了多久
我相信你 也會有一樣的辛酸難受
都曾經深愛過誰又真的捨得

再你離開之後 想快樂也只是一種強求
一個人 怎麼過都是愁
懂得擁有 卻未必能讓你為我停留
最後只剩遺憾 拉住我不放手 。。。

I will have be work in 10 hours time but i still here blogging.
Kinda cannot sleep and decided to put a new song on my blog. its tang yu zhe new song and i like it very much.

Althougt i do admit some part it not very nice but i sure can feel by the song. Lyrics is quite sad and mayb just bcos the sad part make me being touch by the song. I do admit i will feel abit emo or very emo after listening to this song.

This is the POWER of songs...
I will try my best to write something like that i hope, but i kinda slack now. Working and laziness is the main cause of my motivation to complete things.

I wanna do cell refreshment this week, crack my brain alot of times today as i wanna something new and refreshing. I suppose to go window shop in supermarket for ideas but end up in my bed for most of the day. I think i will go browse for ideas during my break tml..

anyways, enjoy the song...

分開以後.
fei kai yi hou.
after we break-up. 16 Sep 2007

I feel like i doing the same thing over and over again today.
Agrh!!!...
I dun wanna be the low self-esteem and no confidence guy again.
Hao Fan Hor!!!...

Today svc was good, althougt i admit that i didnt pay much attendtion to it. Partly is because at first i tot is the offering msg first, so i wait a long time..kinda doozed off den starting to wonder why the offering msg is so long before i start to pay attendtion and start writing notes.
By the time i start writing, i already miss a big part and kinda did not have any feel to write notes and it will in bits.

fellowship was ok i think, many of us feel tired and left early. i think wayniho this nick is more well-known after today, which before today ppl like huahui doesnt know it. the irony is that wayniho can convert into a chinese wording...
wayniho = wei ni hao.
and it really pei me alot as i also a person tt think of other before i think for myself.
maybe i can even write a song about this nick of my...

tomorrow starting work. =(
monday gotta play soccer with ryan they all again. =D
another busy week...
post soon. 14 Sep 2007

I learn to view things in different ways i think, being more positive then i could say from last week. Thinking in a new ways and doing things in a different ways i hope..

'Only foolish people do the same thing over and over again, hoping it to have a different result.'

Suddenly think of this phrase when i start writing this post. Maybe that me in the past, doing the same old thing again hoping a different result. A foolish person indeed, it time to change to end the foolish act of what i doing. Try to do a different way could help, but i know doing it the God way sure help and it surely would change the result.

Life have been packed this week. it seem even i not working, there alot of things for me to do. It would definitely help me kill my boredom and silly thoughts of my. I been trying to learn guitar on my own, but it still lousy i would say. it takes time and i think a mentor would be a great help to me if anyone is willing. Doing some song-writing too and i could say it take time too...Lyric have been a headacde and i do not think what i produce is up to standard yet, not even my own standard.

Work starting next week, i think i would been drag myself to it. -.-
It would end soon i think...but what i wanna do now is to change myself.
and i mean everywhere of myself that needed to improve. 07 Sep 2007

this few day i dun feel good. kinda got alot of feeling mixed up, seem emo.
Not in the best of my mood, maybe partly becos wad i planning didnt come out as wad i expect.
Had a great time talking to qi xuan about my thoughts...when it seem there no more listening ears ard, she there for me to 'throw' out of my things.
Partly i think becos she know the serect also le, so it kinda more easy to share it out. but i still fear the worse, maybe the main lead really know le bah. LOL!!! What can i do? nothing...

Friends also another part i sick and tired with. mayb is I the one cant handle well relation or others wrong. I just dun feel much importance in ppl life. no significance in what so ever...
with or without me is still the same, no difference. Mayb I just an item for entertainment in their life...i dunno.

Being seriously defeated in this part of my life, which i do not know what to do.
sick and tired. 04 Sep 2007

Finally have my 2 weeks break. Thinking of having some gathering with friends but it turn out been not so succeful as wad i think it would be. Anyway, i still enjoy myself from this break. it go like this...

Sun: Went for SOTM series last lesson in svc. Suppose to work that day but because i do not feel well and dun feel like going, i take off from work. I nv regret it, went to comex with shan ryan they all and have a great time there. Ryan got a psp so it mean next time i got ppl to challenge with. We went to watch 'ratatouille' after those shopping with cuen they all as they went shopping as we go it fair. the movie was not bad but i feel we got cheated by the fare as we took a cab home. it cost $35 for 4 of us who staying cck,batok and jurong to reach home which i feel it unreasonable ah.

Mon: I got a date with winson as we nv go bowling for a long time. at first tot that those usual guys would come too but it only the 2 of us. so i call along ryan and shan, but siying coming also in the end. LOL. The 3 guys went for some shopping first before meeting shan and sy in je. It was a good day until some inccident cos the whole atmosphere quite tense. Overall,i still think we enjoy ourselves there bah, or at least for me.

Today: Not a good day to start with. Went soccer with his cell member and others. totally exhuasted as i has a long time since i played. today i just dun feel good mayb things that happened caused it. quite down, quite bad...and not matter how i cheer myself, it wouldnt work.

i found this quote quite meaningful, "it would not cost you anythink to say 'i love you' to the one you love again and again." I translate into english but not sure it is the real translation but it give me a deep impression of that quote. a simple thing is so hard to do for a person like me, just like say is easier than done. all carry the same meaning and effort. Now, I think only ryan and shan understand me bah...